


No Rest for the Wicked

by usherrthaaa



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: AU, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Kylo Ren, Badass Rey, F/M, Fake Relationship, Humor, Kylo Ren Swears A Lot, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Wickedly Wonderful Week of Reylo, drunk poe, intense inebriation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:43:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8367571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usherrthaaa/pseuds/usherrthaaa
Summary: Kylo Ren finds himself stuck in a shit excuse for a bar in the outbacks of Jakku, wedged between two strangers- one of whom was completely smashed, and the other who was eerily keen on destroying him by playing along with the lie he'd come up with by himself. Three rounds in, he realises the Force has never existed and the Devil really had it out for him, as he drowns his misfortune in the root beer the bar serves instead of actual alcohol.By his standards, the day was turning out to be abso-fucking-lutely horrific.au reylo fic.





	1. Bottoms Up

**Author's Note:**

> So i started this drabble that got carried away extremely fast, and here we have it! I was about to post it as a one shot, but i decided to split it up by each round of drinks. hope y'all like it :3  
> it's a casual funny fic but maybe i'll give it a little depth later..  
> reviews and kudos and anything is appreciated! reach out to me i love to talk :3

**One drink**

“Did it hurt when you fell from Cloud City?” 

The heavy drawl accompanied with a clumsy wink that went completely over his head brought Kylo out of the internal monologue that had distracted him from his drink. He’d crashed in this stupid pseudo city that might as well be called someone’s backyard, with little less than a few credits, a busted car and a raging headache that could only be nursed with hard liquor. Except the tiny hovel that doubled as a bar in Jakku only served root beer and played continuous reruns of matches of some mundane sport. And instead of feeling better Kylo Ren found himself plotting his own demise while cradling a battered mug in his hands, his seat constantly being jostled by the restless wraith occupying the seat to his right. 

And now to add insult to injury the Force had decided to send some _creeper_ to hit on the girl and now he was going to be stuck in a game of drunken seduction. 

Kylo glowered darkly at the man who’d sauntered up to lean against the bar at his elbow, waggling thick eyebrows suggestively. If only the girl would hurry up and answer so they could run off to some bathroom somewhere and continue with their obscene flirtation. His chair lurched as the girl undoubtedly bumped into him yet again, and a quick glare in her direction revealed that she hadn’t so much as bothered to acknowledge him or her eager suitor. She swiveled in her seat once more, slurping on a straw, eyes glued to the screen of the holovid screen suspended across the room. 

The man at his elbow cleared his throat expectantly.

Kylo spun around, barb ready at his lips to tell the man to back the fuck off, when he realized that excited leer that was also clearly suffering from intoxication, was entirely for him.

 _Kylo Ren_. 

Most feared man in the galaxy. 

Maybe the city state if he was being humble. But he wasn’t. People hated him- they crossed the street when they saw him come by, and he liked it that way. You didn’t become a crime lord’s second hand man by doing charity work for the orphans rotting in the Outer Rim. 

He was a being of the _darkness._ He commanded fear and distributed pain. He’d shot men in cold blood, threatened and overpowered people of power and was blacklisted by the Republic as public enemy number two. And he did not get hit on by filthy scavengers in an outback _shithole_ where he was stranded for the rest of his life probably. The very thought made him bristle. Anger came to him easily these days and that was a small mercy.

“Get lost, scum,” he growled articulately, scowling for extra menace. 

The man was obviously undaunted. It was probably all those root beers he’d borrowed courage from. The scowl usually worked on lesser minds. 

“C’mon, pretty face,” he crooned. “Anyone tell you that you’re hotter than the flames of Mustafar?” 

Despite himself, Kylo felt his jaw crank open in awe. Just how _stupid_ did one have to be to think these sleazy one-liners even worked? He’d heard them at least a hundred times and it only took an idiot like _Hux_ to make them work and that was because the only company he kept was paid to be there. 

“Listen bitch-face,” Kylo mocked, mind seething with thoughts of the ginger-haired weasel he had to work with, before stopping short with an embarrassing yelp as the other man’s palm shot up to cover his lips in a sticky sweaty embrace.

“Shhhhh, beautiful. You can scream all you want when I have you,” he said in what the fool probably thought was a sexy baritone but truly was only a garble short of sounding like an overweight Hutt. 

Ren felt the flames of anger that had stirred in his chest slowly loosen its vice like grip over his heart and dissolve into disgust and exasperation.

“This… isn’t working you know,” he mumbled awkwardly behind the hand on his face, resisting the urge to bat the arm away immediately. 

Drunk people were like children, if Hux was anything to go by, and if he talked to it gently it might go away. 

The man seemed to understand, taking his hand back slowly ( _thank the Maker_ , Ren added silently) and nodding with a smile. Wait… why in the name of all the moons was he _smiling?!_

“Playing hard to get are we?” he smirked lopsidedly, looking far too pleased for someone who’d been subtly turned down. 

Kylo felt that flare of anger stoke in his lungs with a crushing heat. He lurched to his feet unsteadily, exhaustion and annoyance throwing him off balance for a moment. His fingers clenched into a fist and the bar blurred around him until all he could see was the imbecile before him who had the audacity to look fucking smug. He’d show the bastard. It’s hard to smirk with your teeth punched so far inside your face. And with that grisly image fuelling his rage, Ren threw his arm out in preparation for a good roundhouse- and smashed his elbow into something solid that screamed. 

“Hey!” the wraith seated to his right bolted out of her chair- drink soaking into the cheap wood floor of the cantina, fingers clutching at her head in between ridiculous top knots. 

They looked stupider than his mother’s signature hairstyle. The thought made him momentarily forget he’d elbowed her in the skull and fed the hate roiling in his chest. He watched her eyes squint at him, brown eyes challenging- waiting for an apology, and he’d just decided to let her wait it out, until someone coughed behind them. Ren grit his teeth and attempted to refrain from turning around, refusing to pay attention to the slobbering fool who’d dared disturb his already shitty day. But he felt the man’s smirk and before he could stop himself he’d spun on his heel and leveled him with a dark full body scowl. 

“Who’s your friend?” the man asked, voice whiny and needy.

What an idiot.

He might as well dub him the Idiot for the rest of the day but he was hoping the fool wouldn’t stick around for so long. Kylo raised a brow at the man’s voice without meaning to. 

Was that envy he detected? Was the Idiot jealous? 

Of course he was, Ren glowered.

Just his luck. 

A complete stranger who was jealous over yet another stranger. Brilliant. 

He paused. 

_Brilliant._

It was stupid, and a little reckless- but oh so brilliant. He marched as close as he dared, forcing the man to peer up at him in an unnecessary show of dominance. 

“That friend over there?” he muttered, nodding discreetly at the girl as he watched Idiot gulp.

“Yeah, the one you hit.” 

Ugh. _Ballsy._ He hated ballsy people. He hated drunk people. He hated _people_ so much. 

“That’s my girlfriend, fucknut,” he growled darkly, stumbling over the unfamiliar word. “Now leave us alone.” 

He didn’t even have the chance to revel in petty victory before he realized things had only begun to go south. He should have known. He should have fucking known. When he’d been a boy under a different name with a different life, people had told him he’d be favored by the Force, Fate and all sorts of superstition- that he was a great man in the making. They’d all lied and he knew that now. Fate hated him and he was as sure of that as he was of the fact that his plan had very perfectly backfired on him even though he didn’t know exactly how. The girl was peering at them, eyes flickering from his tall frame to the other man’s stubby visage, frowning at the odd scene. He saw Idiot take her in, scowl at her as she appraised him in return- the two scouting each other for _entirely_ different reasons. 

“Which one of you is paying for my drink?” she asked as Idiot garbled, “So you two, huh?’’ in the stupidest voice possible. 

Kylo wanted to melt into the ugly floorboards and be stomped over by a horde of giggling Twi’lek. The girl stared, hand dropping from her messy hair as she took in the scene before her with surprising perceptiveness. She frowned at Idiot’s aggressive stance, meant to intimidate her, and let her eyes travel to Ren’s own figure that no doubt looked like a kid caught with his hand in his hypothetical Wookie uncle’s hypothetical toolbox. 

And then she smirked. 

And Kylo knew he was done for. 

“Oh yeah, buddy,” she said through her shit-eating grin. “We go a long way back… uh, Bob and I.” 

“Bob, huh,” Idiot deadpanned, looking crestfallen.

Kylo grimaced. “Yeah,” he added lamely. “You can go now.” 

Idiot seemed eager to obey by some twisted hand of Fate, but _she_ held him back. 

“No, _no,_ by all means stay!” 

Kylo wanted to strangle her with both hands. That glint in her eyes did weird things to his stomach. Also the way she scrunched her nose when she smirked was stupid. But the Force and all things his mother believed in had let him down since he could remember and he soon found himself wedged in between Idiot and the girl who’d created yet another ring of hell to add to the day, exclusively for him. For the nth time that day, he wished he was anywhere but here.


	2. Unusual Punishment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo learns that dangerous things come in small packages and he'd just opened his own personal pandora's box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again! chapter two is up already cause I'm impatient ehe!   
> leave a comment if you like, I'd love to hear from you :3

**Two drinks**

Idiot shared that he swung both ways. He’d supported that with a suggestive wink at the girl, and the fact that the wink of all things irritated Kylo made him all the more uneasy.

“That’s… uh, interesting,” the girl batted on, leaning across the bar so her elbow grazed annoyingly against Ren’s own.

She never seemed to deter, too absorbed in this morbid act at his expense. She seemed too into it, and that sobered Kylo like no reality check could. He was stuck between two crazy people with no way to escape. He was going to die by secondhand idiocy and no one would mourn his loss.

Her eyes lit up as she swirled the beer in her glass while listening to Idiot’s rambling stories of greatness, adventure and sex; knocking elbows at random to draw Ren out of a scowl when his face got too intense.

“Well, Bob here,” she said jovially. “Bob loves experimenting.”

Idiot looked scarily amused.

Kylo wanted to vomit.

“Yeah he’s a crazy one, my Bob.”

“I’d like me a Bob like that- I mean a freak like that.”

The correction was unnecessary and clearly rendered useless by the wink that accompanied it. Idiot had to stop winking. It made him look like he was going into cardiac arrest. Or a seizure of some sort.

Kylo glowered and sunk further into his barstool, prompting the girl to shoot out of hers in excitement.

“HA _HA,”_ she laughed, voice so fake it could trick a droid into thinking she was programmed to say that. “Yeah, my Bob is _bad!”_

If that wasn’t an understatement.

Kylo hated ‘Bob’ as much as he hated himself for digging his own grave.

"Oh yeah?" Idiot asked, leaning forward conspiratorially with a grin. "What do y'all get up to?"

The girl tossed Kylo a sneaky glance over her shoulder that all but spelled destruction in flashing neon lights across her face.

"He doesn't need to know that," he ground out, fingers clenched around his mug of beer.

"Oh, don't be shy, sweetheart," the girl snickered, resting a small hand on his white knuckles. "He's such a cutie when it comes to the _bedroom_ stuff."

At the Idiot's confused look, she clarified; "Sex. He doesn't like the vulgarity of the word- the cutie he is."

Kylo swore he ground a molar to dust with the amount of force he gnashed his teeth.

The girl smirked relentlessly. “He needs a safe word for missionary.”

"What," Ren stuttered, choking on air.

“Drink up, sweetie,” the minx said with a shit-eating smile that reeked of anything but concern. “The beer might help with that cough you just developed.”

“I thought you said I was a _freak?”_ Kylo asked angrily before downing the rest of his drink, shooting her a venomous glare as she patted his shoulder.

“Yeah, literally,” she cackled.

Idiot looked nonplussed.

“I mean, he’s just weird in general. A real weirdo,” the girl clarified, shaking her head in exaggerated dismay.

Idiot’s face fell dramatically.

“He also sucks in bed.”

“EXC _use_ me?!”

“Don’t choke again,” the girl warned him, while the Idiot consoled him with a quiet, “It’s ok to suck.”

**Three drinks**

The girl was monstrous.

It wasn’t obvious of course- she was the kind of monster that had innocence cloaked over them so finely that even fellow evil creatures such as he couldn’t penetrate their veil. She giggled like an adolescent, said all the right words at the right times and looked at the world like she was just discovering it.

But that was all fake, and if Kylo had learned one thing it was that people always lied, and so she did. Under the faux enthusiasm for her pseudo boyfriend’s failed suitor, he saw the edge of mischief that danced in her eyes. He saw the sun beaten skin of her arms and her flayed knuckles that betrayed her fragility. Also she drank like a horde of Aqualish.

The girl was no lightweight and that amused him above all else. She watched with glee as Idiot swooned at her from Kylo’s left, draped across the bar to touch her fingers with his.

“It’s like we’re meant to be,” he chortled, making smooching noises as he bounced the tips of his fingers against the girl’s own.

Her responding laugh sounded precariously close to an evil snicker, and before he could abort mission in code red, Kylo leaned over.

“Your Dark side is showing,” he murmured into her ear, nose twitching as stray tendrils of hair tickled against his face.

“Oops,” she grinned merrily, façade never faltering. “My bad.”

Kylo leaned back after that; the cheer in her eyes made him feel dizzy. He’d never been surrounded by that much enthusiasm not directed as physical harm or violence and it was making him positively nauseous. He watched warily as she swirled the remnants of her drink in the mug she'd just been handed, one finger tracing the droplets of condensation that chased down the sides. She downed it in one go and spun in her seat to flash him a brilliant smile.

“How about another?” she cried.

Idiot whooped and Kylo groaned.


	3. Two Steps Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (One Step Forward)  
> New developments, headaches, and as usual- more of Ren making an ass out of himself.  
> Ah, the natural order of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late chapter! the story line decided to leAVE me and now i've gone on a rampage... hope this chapter is ok :/ let me know!

**Five drinks**

Idiot was actually called Poe or Poe Dameron or _Hotshot_ as his friends graciously hailed him, but Kylo wagered he’d only ever really been called Poe. He was a pilot and he was currently on the run from the mafia or so he seemed to think. Also he had an ok face if you didn’t think about the words coming out of his mouth.

That final sentiment in particular meant Kylo had spent more than enough time in their presence. He didn’t even know how he had two drinks instead of one more. That girl was a right terror. She could probably beat Phasma in a battle of wills. The thought made him shudder.

He watched blearily as the girl, _Rey_ , challenged Poe to yet another round, wagering he wouldn’t last till drink number six. The two seemed to be getting along famously- and the girl was finally a little drunk.

Kylo figured this was his cue to slip away unseen. It was time to get out of this hovel.

With a quick “You kids be good,” he slid out of his chair and whirled around, only to be stopped short by a heavy grasp to the elbow.

“Nuu,” Poe cooed sadly. What was he a fucking _bird?_

“Don’t go yet, Bob!” he all but whined.

Who in the ever-loving fuck was _Bob?_

 Oh. Right, he was. “What do you want?” Ren asked, irritably.

“You never told me how you two lovebirds met! I mean, c’mon. Make a guy’s day will ya?”

And with that he propped his face in his hands like some sucker and waited.

“No.”

“Oh leave Bob alone,” the girl swooped in to the rescue, glaring sideways at Ren as Poe’s face fell.

Literally. The man let his elbows slide until his chin hit the counter and his face was buried in the rings of condensation left behind by his glasses of root beer.

“I’ll tell you!” Rey offered hurriedly, eager to cheer up her new friend slash object of amusement. “Plus he’s a bad story teller.”

She draped an affectionate arm across Dameron’s shoulders and shot Kylo a look of pure malice.

“So it all starts with Bob’s grandma.”

“My what?!”

She did _not_.

“She always wanted her little boy to settle down with a lovely girl.”

“Oh that’s so sweeeet!”

“Oh yeah? Well that’s cause it is not true!”

“He doesn’t have a grandma?”

“No Poe, he has one.”

“I don’t,” Ren snapped. “Don’t talk about her.”

Even Idiot seemed to come through his drunken haze enough to sense the anger rippling through him at the mention of his family. Rey remained undeterred.

 “Bob would you tell the story then?”

The challenge in her eyes screamed _chicken_ even though he hadn’t even denied it yet.

“Get me a drink and I’ll tell you,” he ground out, sealing his coffin and tossing the box straight into the ocean.

He was _fucking_ doomed.

 

**Six drinks**

He tried, he really did. He didn’t even look at the girl in hopes that he’d be able to deliver a rational story that would placate the drunken Poe.

Of course it failed miserably.

“So wait- you met at a _rally_?” Poe asked disbelievingly.

Ren paused. “Yeah, I guess. We share the same political ideologies.”

“That’s boring.”

“No it isn’t!” Kylo snapped. “And it wasn’t just a normal rally-,”

“Oh yeah, it was a _special_ rally,” Rey sniggered from behind him.

Kylo narrowed his eyes at his mug of beer. “Hosnian Prime can be romantic,” he grumbled under his breath.

Ugh. He honestly felt so attacked. This lying business was hard, and he was _trying_ , dammit. He couldn’t think of a single scenario in which he could’ve run into this crazy woman- except for the one he was in right now.

Maybe… maybe he could spin a tale of Hosnian romance _so convincing_ that-

“Did you just-,” Poe exclaimed, snapping to attention in a sudden flurry of movements that demanded the attention of majority of the cantina’s late night-early morning patrons.

“What?” Rey asked worriedly, while Kylo frowned at the frozen pilot.

“Did you say Hosnian Prime?” Dameron asked; eyes squinted in suspicion.

“Did he say what?” Rey looked confused.

“Yeah, I-,”

The way Poe was looking at him made him stop midsentence- the glare unnervingly intense on the previously easy-going pilot’s face. “Hosnian Prime is _his_ turf.”

 _Fuck_.

“Whose?” Rey asked curiously, breaking the tense atmosphere with narrowed eyes and a whack to Kylo’s arm. “What’s going on?”

“This was two years ago,” Ren muttered stiffly, refusing to back down from the glaring contest between himself and the suspicious pilot.

Fuck _fuck **fuck**_  

“Someone better start explaining,” Rey was grumbling, crossing her arms and sinking into her seat behind Ren.

“Hosnian Prime,” Poe muttered; eyes steely and mouth set in a grim line. “It’s a beautiful place yeah, but no one goes in or out anymore without special warrant- _Snoke’s_ warrant. The whole place is almost under lockdown.”

“Can he do that?” Rey asked meekly.

Even Ren had to frown down at her, breaking away from the staring match as Poe did the same.

“Aw, come on baby- tell me you know who _Snoke_ is,” Poe pleaded with a wry smile at the girl.

“Well I don’t,” she snapped. “And don’t call me that.”

Kylo appreciated her rebuttal more than he cared to admit. Poe did sound like a sleaze.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean that,” Rey sighed, placing a hand on Poe’s arm as he drew back from her slightly, rebuffed. “Just… just tell me what’s going on?”

 _Drat_ , Ren scowled. She was being _nice?_ To the Idiot? Great. And all he got was occasional violence to his person and embarrassing backstories. And he was supposed to be her boyfriend. UGH.

“News doesn’t get here fast does it?” Poe asked rhetorically, clearly sobering up. “He’s like, the biggest crime boss- no, crime _lord_ \- in the galaxy!”

At Rey’s raised brow he amended; “Fine, just the world. But he’s got this huge ass gang- the _First_ _Order_ he calls it. He’s like a mafia or something. It’s crazy. They’ve got control over so many countries and even cities and areas near the mainland, and they’re bloody ruthless. It’s ridiculous really- the government is in a mess trying to get rid of them.”

“Get rid of them?” Rey asked with a grimace. “Sounds like they’re an infestation.”

“They are!” Poe growled, slamming his fist into the counter, glaring daggers in Ren’s direction. “Which is why you’ll pardon me for being suspicious about how you met there.”

The pilot sounded dangerously close to snapping- he was _that_ convinced, and Kylo couldn’t blame him. He knew there were rumors about his own appearance that circulated within the Republic. Sure he’d kept a low profile, only ever meting out Snoke’s punishments in that stupid mask- but the rumors spread regardless. _Seven feet tall_ , _red eyes and long black hair that hung to his hip, stained in blood, sharp teeth and–_ the rumor mill clearly thought he was a wolverine, or some kind of animal at the very least.

There was probably no way the pilot tied ‘Bob’ back to the mysterious ‘Kylo Ren’, but there was no reason to take that risk.

He just had to get out before Poe even accused him of being a mindless follower. That would be another charade he would fail at playing along with.

But then the girl- Rey- surprised him.

“Poe, calm down, it was just a joke- we didn’t know the place was in trouble. Last we checked it was a great romantic spot,” she said quietly. “You know, in the tourist pamphlets they have over there by the door. They’re centuries old though, it’s our fault. But news never travels out here, you know? And we’ve never left.”

Her story was so pitiful that, coupled with her demure expression, Ren would’ve completely fallen for it except for the fact that he couldn’t fathom why she’d covered for him in _her_ sob story as well.

“You’ve never left Jakku?” Dameron asked incredulously. “Wow that sucks!”

Kylo glowered at him before shooting a glance at the girl. She looked uncomfortable, but upon catching his eye she smoothed the expression over with a wry smile. He had the strangest feeling then- the feeling he got whenever one of her lies rang too close to the truth- like how Bob was scarily close to Ben, and the mention of his grandmother’s death that started the disasters that seemed to plague his family. Something told him this sob story had something to do with the girl’s _real_ story, and that made him feel uneasy.

“You’ve been everywhere though,” Rey was saying, motioning the bartender towards them with one hand.

“Uh huh,” Poe beamed proudly. “I’m with the Resistance- they send us everywhere.”

Kylo frowned. He’d heard of that name somewhere, but through the vague haze of six mugs of root beer, he had trouble recalling its origin. Rey seemed to be having trouble too.

“The Resistance?” she asked dumbly.

She played her part well. Even he’d heard of the Resistance- he just couldn’t get-

“Senator Organa’s special military force,” Poe announced, flipping his hair in a show of arrogance, and Kylo nearly choked and _died._

“Seantor Organa?!” Rey gushed, while Ren attempted not to gag.

What the hell kind of company had he landed in? He was in such deep shit. Poe was a fucking Resistance pilot? Senator Organa hired this fool? To fly aircrafts? And execute precise attacks on Snoke? The Republic’s safety was in this loser’s hands? He was going to be sick. Rey on the other hand seemed completely taken up by the mere mention of the senator.

“Senator Leia Organa?” she asked breathlessly. “Luke Skywalker’s sister? The Skywalker twins? Oh my god, oh my god- you know her?!”

She stared past him with starry eyes, ignoring her ‘boyfriend’ as she waited for Poe to continue. 

Kylo smirked. It was kinda cute.

Her enthusiasm, that was.

“Yeah she’s great, ain’t she?” Poe agreed with a smile. "Know about her, kiddo?"

"Do I?" Rey asked, in shock. "Poe don't be stupid! She's probably the most strongest woman in the galaxy!"

"Now who's exaggerating? Shush up- let me tell you about the time i met her... did you know she loves chai?"

Kylo resisted the urge to snort in derision. He could say more about the woman and he hadn’t been close to her even when he had been. Watching Poe ramble on, he felt the old familiar flames of annoyance flicker to life in his chest.

“I’ll be back,” he snapped, a tad too harshly, before lurching to his feet and stalking towards the bathrooms at the back.

He felt their eyes on him all the way there and only relaxed his stance when he slammed the door to the men’s behind him. He leaned against it, breathing heavily, already feeling claustrophobic without the bathroom’s small dimensions to add to his fear of being trapped. 

Fuck his life, honestly. The Force was out to get him and there was no mercy. Was this whole day for that loser he killed last week? Probably. But the man had been stupid and it was his fault mostly cause who fucked up an arms deal by being tardy- _for the Maker’s sake_.

Or maybe it was because of that town he had to kinda slaughter. Yeah. Probably.

Fuck.

And that guy that got away. Damn.

And now _he_ was the one being tardy. He’d been stranded here for over five hours now and there was no hope to be out of this hick town any time soon.

Except… except Poe probably had transport of some sort. Rey probably had never left Jakku so that ruled her out- but there was nothing to say Poe had crashed here with no car and money and hope to survive as well. Kylo would bet his own Saber that the man had an aircraft hidden somewhere- but that was his favorite gun and he wasn’t a gambling man anyway.

Hanging his coat carefully on the hook on the door, he splashed some water against his face to get some color into his pallid cheeks, and took a few deep breaths to center himself. He’d always been so stupidly pale, and his hair was getting too long, he noticed- frowning at his reflection in the grimy mirror. He had to stoop down a little and bend his knees like the start up to a squat in order to see his face in the reflective surface instead of his chest, but it was worth it. He looked like shit and he hadn’t realized. He needed to get out of here and he needed to go fast.

Getting Poe to drive him out would probably mean a ton of bad jokes and uncomfortable judgy silence, but as long as he kept his mouth shut and didn’t give the man anymore material to be suspicious of, he supposed it could work.

Clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair, he tossed his coat back on over himself and shouldered his way out of the bathroom, only to run straight into a small moving projectile that bounced away from him with an _oof_.

He grabbed a limb on instinct and when the flurry of movement ceased he realized it was Rey. The girl. From the bar. Drat.

She glared up at him, tugging at her tunic with her free hand. “Watch it, bean pole,” she scowled.

“This is the men’s,” Ren replied, rolling his eyes. “What do you want?”

At this, she brightened, as if remembering why she was here. “Oh, you’d never guess!”

“Do tell,” he muttered dryly.

“Poe’s leaving!” she batted on, undeterred by his grimace.

“Good riddance,” he sighed, before remembering he needed to be with Poe when he left.

Shit.

Spinning on his heel, Ren stormed across the cantina with the girl in tow, searching for Dameron’s head in the room. He wasn’t at the barstools they’d occupied. _Shit_. Behind him, Rey was whacking his arm and demanding to be let go.

“Has he gone yet?” he asked hastily.

“What? No,” she snapped back, wrenching her arm from his tight hold. “Your hands are freakishly big, Mr. Big Bad Guy.”

“He’s still here?” Kylo asked impatiently, rounding on the wraith. “Wait- what did you call me?”

“Yeah Poe’s still here, he’s just getting BeeBee Eight,” the girl smirked. “And I know who you are.”

Kylo could feel his heart stutter before resuming a mad beat that sent his blood roaring in his ears.

“What,” he whined weakly.

“Yeah,” Rey’s smirk widened.

She took hold of his arm and tried to drag him away towards the door, only succeeding in raising his arm in level with her shoulder.

“Come _on_ ,” she groaned, tugging at his limb. “Move your fat self, will you? I want to get out of here and Poe won’t take me without you!”

“Poe’s doing what?”

“He agreed to take us out of Jakku, dammit!” she snapped, tucking his arm under hers and _pulling_.

He didn’t budge. “And why should I go with you?”

Rey sighed. “If you _don't,_ I’ll tell him.”

“Tell him what?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

“Tell him who you are.”

He stepped closer and closer, till her nose nearly bumped his chest, and peered down at her with the dark glare he was familiar with.

“And who exactly am I?”

“You- You’re bad news,” she stammered. “I know- _ugh_!”

She looked like she hated him for making her nervous and that thrilled him minutely. Stupid bint had him all uneasy all damn night.

He laughed quietly, watching her scowl fade into resigned exasperation.

“Fine,” she sighed. “Just a shot in the dark.”

Huh. Well that was… disappointing.

She cocked a brow at him and scowled. “Whatever ok, I just wanted a ride outta here.”

“Well you know what, so do I,” he replied, straightening from his intimidating pose. “How’s that for a happy ending?”

He was getting a cramp in his back from leaning over; she was _so_ short.  

They nodded tightly at each other, before stumbling lightly to the door. It was about time he got out of this dumb place. Good bye root beer, good bye depressing linoleum walls- good _fucking_ riddance drunken dumbasses... and hell _o_ embarrassing five hour drive to sanity. His chances of surviving with his new travelling buddies were steadily decreasing in his mind’s eye, but for now he supposed he scored a victory. Speaking of…

“So do you always accuse your pseudo boyfriends of being evil?” he asked without looking at her, shouldering his way out of the bar. “Or are they always ‘bad news’?”

“Only the ones who are walking scowls in black trench coats screaming bloody murder with their eyes,” she scoffed. “So no, that’s just for you, _precious.”_

“How sweet. I feel special.”

“Hey, it was your idea… _Bob.”_

Her sneer was most impressive, and reminded him all the stupid things he'd ever said and done- in his whole entire _life._

Ren took his cue to shut up.


	4. Road Tripping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> or alternatively; Kylo's Legs Are Too Long, Rey Is An All Round Badass and Poe Just Misses His Cutie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All new chapter with all new adventures and zero plot! Welcome to the Earth Republic!verse.  
> I finally decided on the basics of their au. Its based on planet Earth but several years into the future. There is a slight mix of human history thrown in here (read: Nazism and industrial revolution) but it's pretty simple really. Reimagine Earth by with the alien races from canon instead of puny humans.  
> The aliens are human for obvious reasons but their main features reflect their original star wars versions. I like drawing the parallels to canon. It's pretty fun :3  
> No copyright intended of course, this verse is just for fun.

**02:14**

"Is it an animal?"

"Is it a girl?"

"Rey! He's already got _you,_ he can't be thinking of others!"

"Hmm. Is it Poe's decapitated head?"

_"Rey!"_

"He's totally thinking about murder."

"I'm not, dammit- do I look like that kind of a weirdo?" Ren sighed exasperatedly, pulling at his face with both hands. 

His travelling companions stared back at him with skeptical frowns and nodded once. 

"Yep, it's murder," Poe agreed, while Rey smirked delightfully. 

Ren rolled his eyes. "Its an animal, try again."

"Jackalope. They eat baby children."

"No they don't- and babies are children, Dameron. I'm going with the Kraken."

"Oh, _oh-_ Thestral! Only dead people see em!"

"Not even close. Anyway, it's a Wampa for sure," Rey said with finality. 

"That's not even _real,"_ Poe whined, steering his cramped shuttle shaped vehicle onto the main road. 

"And the others were _totally_ the National Geographic's most featured mammals?" Ren deadpanned, already sick of the game as he experimentally flexed his knees against the dashboard of the car that was far too close to the edge of his seat. Seriously, had they never heard of leg space? Or did all the Resistance people just saw their legs down to a few inches? That would make sense, _somehow,_ he mused. 

"I swear they did an issue on unicorns once!" the pilot was insisting while Rey poked her head in between their seats and cackled. 

"Like hell Bill was thinking of a unicorn!" she snorted, poking Poe's cheek much to Ren's chagrin.

"Who's Bill?" Dameron asked with a frown.

Uh oh. 

"Actually Idiot's right I was thinking about a unicorn."

He hadn't thought that one through, admittedly, but it worked just fine. 

"Yeah! I win!" Poe crowed, pressing on the middle of the steering wheel, honking at no one in particular. "Take _that..._  twenty questions was a _great_ idea."

"That wasn't even a guess," Rey groused, falling back into her seat behind them. "Plus that's a little gay, don't you think."

Kylo would've bet Hux's head on a silver platter that the scoundrel girl was sporting a wicked smirk at that very second- and especially since he wasn't a gambling man and would probably lose, he'd make a few exceptions when Hux's overall existence was the thing at stake. 

"There's nothing wrong with being gay!"

"Woah Poe, don't shoot! I was just joking."

Kylo zoned back into the present in time to sneak a glance at Dameron's semi-impressive glower. The pilot scowled at the rearview mirror, no doubt attempting to convey the hostility to Rey.

"Who's the lucky guy?" Ren found himself asking. 

And there he went _again,_ sticking his foot in his mouth and throwing his brains out the window. He groaned internally as the breezy atmosphere nearly froze up in tension, but then Poe flushed a deep scarlet that rushed up from his chin and took cover under his messy dark hair and Rey squealed in delight and demanded to know the answer, and Kylo _breathed,_ because he hadn't fucked it all up, thank heaven. 

"Who is it, Dameron- TELL US!" the hurricane in the backseat ordered, shooting forward to peer over their shoulders before falling back to bounce in place with a happy gasp. "What's his naaame?" 

"Uh-,"

 _"Uh,_ you don't know his name?"

"He doesnt-,"

"He doesn't have a name?"

Watching Rey grill the pilot and seeing Dameron at a loss for words only made Kylo more apprehensive. The woman dug out information like she was rooting around in your brain herself. 

"He's cute isn't he? I st he's cuuute!"

Poe garbled unintelligibly at that. 

"C'mon, Poe! We told you our love story," Rey crooned, and even though the mention of their farce set Kylo on edge, he knew that it would crack Dameron. 

_"Hisnmisfin-,"_

"FN?" Kylo asked, head snapping round so fast he nearly gave himself whiplash, while Rey only said, "Hisne Misfit?"

There was something important concerning the letters FN but for the life of him Kylo couldn't remember what it was. Hux had been babbling about it when he'd stopped by during breakfast.

Or so he thought.

Honestly, he never listened to the man- the idiot was a glorified lapdog. He was sure the word 'traitor' had been tossed around quite a bit and maybe even 'conniving black jews'- but Ren refused to dwell on that detail because Hux was _most definitely_ a neo-Nazi and his racism was bordering maniacal, and also he was sure the man in question wasn't even Jew. He might've been dark-skinned though.

Kylo scowled. Who was he kidding, he didn't have to be politically correct- that was for people like Senator Organa and Luke. He was the _bad_ guy for the Maker's sake!

Kylo groused his inability to think diabolically even in his thoughts, and fought the urge to cross his arms petulantly.

"That's kinda ratchet," Rey hummed, oblivious to Poe's constantly reddening features and Kylo's pity party.

"Get any redder and someone will pick you up for their Saber," Ren intoned, perking up from his cloud of doom and gloom to shoot a sideways glance in the driver's direction. 

Poe just stepped harder on the gas.

"Some idiot bad guy's Saber," Rey huffed. "That makes no sense, why do all the bad people had different colored cores? Why do guns even _need_ cores?"

"A core means no reloading, no lack of ammunition. Energy is better and faster than bullets," Kylo replied warily, lovingly tracing his own beautiful (and _definitely_ NOT even a _little_ wobbly) Saber in his mind. "And the colour comes from the hue of the materials sourced to produce said energy. So really, colour depends on geographical location and not political allegiance. To think the latter would be _excruciatingly_ stupid."

Rey poked her head up front to stare at him, causing Kylo to duck back instinctively, plastering his side against the door in a pathetic attempt to distance himself from her gaze. 

He'd done it again. Everything he said or did was either mind bendingly idiotic or crazy suspicious. There was no in between. 

But instead of calling him out, Rey only looked at him with a strange light in her eyes and said, "Go on."

Kylo opened his mouth, shut it, watched her slide back into her seat behind them, and when he opened his mouth again he found he could talk.

"Well the only reason they even moved to energy instead of bullets was because of the second Industrial Age; with droid technology and special robotics on the rise, metals became a scarce commodity. I mean, it was already on the decline so- yeah. Anyway, you remember how the Clone wars were- those _obviously_ sealed the deal."

 _"Remember_ the Clone Wars?" Poe snorted, finally paling after his intense blush and temporary mind melt. "Beg pardon, Bob, but not all of us are a _hundred years old_ here. That was ages ago- we weren't alive, we don't know what kind of shit went down."

Kylo growled. "Fine. Whatever- just cause you lot are all so ignorant. It doesn't even matter what kind of shit went down. Forget it."

 _"No,_ don't stop!" Rey nearly shrieked. "What about blasters though, they don't have cores."

"Well," Kylo mused. "They use light energy, but there's an entirely different mechanism for that."

He didn't really know how to explain it, but the girl seemed to understand, leaning forward with a quick nod. Maybe she was a junkrat- most of the Outer Rim survived on scavenging. That would explain her battered hands and toast skin.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Sabers are different- they're faster, deadlier and are sensitive to their owners. Its high tech stuff, but the release mechanism containing the energy is programmed to respond to a single person. That's why not many people have Sabers- they've got to personally make them."

Rey absorbed it all like some... absorbent sponge. It wasn't a great metaphor but seeing her face devoid of a smirk or fiery snark was throwing him for a loop.

Poe laughed in the growing pause. "Is this what dates are like for you two?"

Kylo blanched.

 Behind him, Rey was quiet. 

"Don't get me wrong," Poe tacked on hastily. "Its real sweet. Education and all- teach me sensei. _Real_ romantic."

"Teach me _sensei?"_ Rey mocked, voice strange and almost shaky. 

From nerves? Ren couldn't tell. She was most probably disgusted with the idea. 

"Sure thing, padawan," he muttered absently, pressing his knees back against the dashboard. 

"What?" Poe asked, switching his gaze from Ren's shoulders, to the road, and back to Ren. 

"Nothing," Kylo dismissed, dispelling memories of summers spent beside long a long forgotten Uncle, learning about ancient spiritual clans and the mysterious and elusive Force. 

That life had been replaced with a harsh reality; one in which there was no Force, no heaven, and no God; where the darkness was always one step ahead- where rage consumed and power corrupted, and wookie uncles could not chase the nightmares away no matter how hard they insisted that the light really did exist. "Nothing at all."

 

** 03:52 **

It was Ren's turn to drive when Rey finally woke up from her hundred year nap. 

"You messed the shifts up," He muttered, annoyed. 

Switching gears (yes, the vehicle was _that_ miserable), he turned the car into a by lane to avoid the construction work up ahead. Pale light was beginning to seep through the clouds, making the sky a tawny purple that reminded him of the colour he imagined Hux would be when he lost his shit as soon as Ren found his way back.

"Sry," the girl mumbled, blinking tired eyes. 

She poked a button near the radio to switch from one channel of static to the next, and cranked the volume from three to four. 

Settling back in her seat beside Ren, she sighed heavily and peered out the window, and _gasped._

"Are those- trees?!"

Ren died laughing. 

He cackled like she would have if Poe had been the one stupidly gawking at photosynthesising extensions of the earth, but one glance at her made the laughter die down in his throat. 

"Eh?" he croaked, eyeing the embarrassment on her face.

She met his questioning gaze with a wince and pushed her chin up into the air defiantly. 

"Are. Those. Trees?" she repeated. "Its a simple question."

"Yes, ma'am."

She smiled a little at his slip up- he'd only ever spoken to one woman in his recent past and that had been Phasma and she wasn't one for casual chats, but Rey seemed to derive some amusement from his mistake and that made it ok. _Ish._ He'd still greatly prefer if he didn't make a fool of himself every other second, if the Force were kind enough to oblige with his _humble request._  

"They're so... tall," she mumbled, hand on the glass of the window as she gazed out towards the tentative beginnings of forests along the sides of the road.

Sparse trees stood proudly in the semi arid area, thriving in the increasingly better atmosphere as they drove closer to the Mid Rim, and Kylo would've been happy to speed through without a thought, but her enraptured face implored him to go a little slower- heck a lot slower. And when they were practically crawling at droid pace, slow enough for Poe to notice and awaken just to complain, the smile she shot him when she realised what he was doing was enough for him to deal with a cranky Poe and their ugly surroundings for an extra hour or so. 

 

**04:30**

"Go to sleep, Bob! I've got this!" 

"No you don't, crazy woman!" Kylo screamed as the vehicle swerved dangerously. "Can you even _drive?!"_

"BB!" Poe wailed from his position up front, riding shotgun. "BB, I'm _so sorry!"_

Rey swung the vehicle around furiously, turning at a forty degree angle in the middle of the road before releasing the wheel to let the crap car spin back into its original trajectory. 

"Don't kill my baby, please _please **please,"**_ Dameron chanted, clinging onto his seatbelt like it was a lifeline. 

They were speeding through Ruusan in what Kylo could only term 'hyperspeed'. The lush, dense forests on either side of them were a smearing green that blurred into the occasional dash of colour as they shot past a lone vehicle or two that were headed in the other direction at a safe and mortally pleasing speed. 

And she didn't even care for all the trees around them. What. A. Fake. 

"You're fucking crazy, oh my god!" Ren cursed, digging his fingers into the shoulders of both front seats in order to stabilize himself in the swinging car.

"You know I am, babe!" Rey crowed, high on adrealine and very clearly enjoying the risk of wrapping them all around a wayward tree. "And I'm just getting started, YEAH! LETS SEE HOW FAST THIS RUST BUCKET GOES- come on BeeBee, take us to the stars!"

Kylo felt his heart lurch wildly and once Poe finally, _finally_ managed to wrangle driving priviledges from the desert rat, he realised his cardiac palpitations had less to do with her ridiculous driving and more to do with _her._  

 

**05:30**

"You're a lucky guy."

Kylo had just felt the subtle tug of dreamless sleep wash over him as his eyes finally closed, when he heard Poe whisper. Rey was snoring lightly beside him, her head occasionally nodding towards his shoulder, and it was nearly bright outside. 

Up front, Poe twisted around to see if Ren had heard and coloured deeply when he was met with a quirked brow. 

Ren sighed heavily. 

"Not really," he nearly said, thinking of the life waiting for him once this detour ended; the anger and hostility- the violence, the danger, the lack of hope. 

But then the desert rat beside him slumped into his side, head tipped back to let loose a soft grunt as her body moulded itself against his like a cat. 

He smiled, and in front of them, Poe did too, teeth glinting in the rearview mirror. 

One of Rey's buns had come loose, long strands of sweaty, muted brown hair sticking to his upper arm. A particularly wayward curl tickled his nose, and for some reason it did not make him want to stab a couple hundred people in annoyance. 

It still tickled though, so he batted it away, fingers brushing the tendril down past her forehead before tucking it behind her ear. Rey didn't respond, but his own heart was thumping so _unnaturally loudly_ in his chest that Kylo wouldn't have been surprised if she heard it. 

She looked so tiny and fragile, curled up on the seat, leaning against him for support. Without his frame she would slump down into the seat on her neck and probably snap it. The thought made him nauseous. 

He let his hand fall down to his knee and resisted the urge to wrap his fingers around her smaller, more dainty palm. 

She _scared_ him. Made him think about long lost memories and warm feelings, fresh beginnings, a sense of belonging and a new hope, and so instead Kylo said, "I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked this one! leave a comment or kudos, they're inspiring :3  
> @SnakeBites97 's comment honestly made me crazy write this chapter just for you guys.   
> Also telepathic hug to my bab who lent me a star wars guide that saved my ass with its lore and staved off writers block with it's pretty pictures.   
> much thank.   
> see y'all with the next chapter!


	5. Pit Stop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grocery List:
> 
> × A hug (for Kylo)  
> × DECENT FRIENDS (Rey)  
> × fridge magnet (Poe)  
> × Decent Gas (BeeBee8)

**15.45**

They had barely cleared Ruusan when they made a stop for gas in a miserable little station by a small convenience store at around four in the evening. Rey had ducked into the store with some of Poe's change money to get them all some food while the pilot filled up the tank. Kylo stood behind the car, facing away from the road for extra precaution. He was just considering the benefits of buying a baseball cap when Poe whistled for his attention. The pilot nodded in the direction of the store when Kylo looked up, and they both turned to face it; watching as Rey danced around in the doorway for a few seconds. Kylo sighed and pushed himself off the vehicle in order to find out what she wanted.

"Finally," Rey huffed when he walked in through the automatic doors. "Thought I'd have to actually walk out there to get your attention."

"What do you want, kid?" Kylo sighed, eyeing the bored, young cashier warily.

"First of all, don't call me that," Rey said, frowning. "I just want to know where we're headed. Where is Poe going? What's his plan?"

Kylo paused at that and stopped to eye a mini display of mints to buy time.

"Um, probably Coruscant," he offered.

"Is that good?" Rey continued vaguely.

"As in?"

She sighed heavily. " _As in_ is it a good destination considering we've never left Jakku before and don't know what we're doing?"

"You mean _you've_ never left Jakku before," Kylo corrected offhandly. "Where's the dumb tourist stuff in this place?"

"Aisle three," Rey groused. "And don't, for a second, think I forgot mister. Who the hell are you? I know you're not from around Jakku."

"Ah yes cause you've been there your whole life of ten years."

"I'm not a kid! And don't deflect."

"Are we not drunk anymore?" Ren muttered. "Fuck. Buy some whiskey with that change."

"Stop deflecting," Rey snapped again, rushing beside him as he headed for the furthest aisle in search of something to shield his face with. "I could just tell Poe that I don't know you."

"For what joy?" Ren countered.

"I know you need a ride. Why else would you stick with us for so long? I could ruin it you know. I could tell him you're a creepy stalker who's using me to get out of Jakku," Rey said, smirking triumphantly when Ren paused mid stride. "Hah. And who do you think he'd side with? Me, obviously, cause you say _creepy things_ in your sleep."

Kylo groaned internally. "I do _not_ talk in my sleep."

" _Don't_ deflect."

He ignored her, peering at the spinning rack of tourist shirts and the display of plastic sunglasses. There weren't any caps.

Drat.

"Grab a charger and let's go," he ordered, reaching for a pair of stupid dark shades.

"Wait-," Rey demanded, moving towards him with determination.

"Are we seriously doing this?" Kylo groaned, stalking back towards the counter to buy his shades and charger. "Right now?"

"Yes we are," Rey hissed, sidling up beside him with her armful of trailmix, beef jerky and extruded snacks.

She dumped them on the counter and twisted around to glare daggers up at him.

The cashier silently rung their items up, sparing Rey a sideyed glance and Kylo a wary stare.

They were still too far out in the Mid Rim to run into anyone who'd have heard of Snoke or the Order in enough detail to be suspicious. Ren figured he'd have two or three more towns left before the real trouble came up.

He'd just have to shake the girl off for now.

Somehow.

Her stare of _pure vitriol_ was no help however. Suddenly remembering why he needed a charger, he dug his phone out of his pocket and held it up to the boy behind the cash register.

"Got any batteries for this?" Kylo asked, crossing his fingers mentally.

A battery would be faster than charging it in a car even if they came with only half a life at first.

The boy gave the phone a glance and shook his head. "Nah. I can charge it for you if you're hanging out here any longer though. Just get it to turn on at least."

Ren nodded and handed the device over before turning to acknowledge the girl beside him, still squinting angrily at his person.

"Go get something else while we wait."

"Excuse me?" Rey frowned. "You can't just-,"

Ren was already getting sick of her voice. He wished with all his might that he hadn't sobered up or at the very least that he'd someday learn not to make decisions while mildly intoxicated. He could only imagine how _annoying_ Dameron would be now that none of them were drunk.

"Don't you want a change of clothes? It'll be ages till you can shower. There's some ugly stuff in the back."

Rey looked ready to argue (as per usual) but seemed to back down at the suggestion of fresh clothing.

"Ugly... but necessary," she said before huffing at him in indignation and trudging back into the recesses of aisle 3.

Ren paid for the stuff they'd chosen and begrudgingly left to hand some trail-mix and jerky to Dameron, who also requested more trail mix, four pepsis, a fridge magnet and a pack of thin mints. The pilot then chose to remain in the car while Ren headed back in alone to collect his phone, Poe's christmas wishlist and the girl.

Rey was standing by the counter when he returned, decked in a too-large grey tee that had a familiar Sh'iirwookie plastered across it in black and white.

Kylo raised a brow at her dubious choice of printed tees, and the girl had the sense to blush.

"What?" she muttered, tugging at the hem.

"Basic," Kylo muttered when he was in earshot, and stifled a smirk as she sputtered in defiance.

"He is a _hero_ \- you can't just- he is a _national hero_ -,"

"Hey you know what?" Kylo interrupted, already regretting riling her up. "Dameron needed some stuff-,"

"Don't even think of asking me to get them," Rey snapped, crossing her arms and pressing against the counter.

Kylo groaned and spun on his heel.

"Fine," he declared. "At least pay for your dumb clothes. And get some mints!"

Behind him, Kylo heard Rey stomp over to where he hoped the mints were as he slowly collected Dameron's items. He was musing over which magnet was the uglier- the sleazy Hutt with the "my wife looks hotter the more drunk I am" text or the one of his own mom but with weird round croissants for hair- when he heard a hundred sudden pinging noises followed by his ringtone.

"Um, mister....?" the cashier muttered, holding the device out across the counter like it was tainted.

"I'll get it!" Kylo heard Rey offer, and before he could scream or cry or throw a magnet at her in alarm, the girl had plucked the outdated device out of the cashier's hand and answered the call.

"Hello?"

"REN WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WHERE THE FUCKING _FUCK_ ARE Y-,"

Hux's shrill voice blared out loud despite not being on speaker and Kylo dashed across the store, dropping everything in his hands in order to snatch his phone back from Rey, who was cringing at the sound, and cut the line.

"Sooo...," Rey filled the silence that followed with a low whistle. "Ren is a weird name."

"It's not my name," Kylo said hastily, heart thumping five hundred miles per hour.

"That guy _just_ called you Ren," Rey insisted, confused.

Kylo darted a glance at the cashier, who was slowly getting over the shock and was beginning to peer at him suspiciously.

Fuck.

"It's my last name," Kylo offered distractedly, grabbing their purchases off the counter into shoving Rey's arms before marching out of the store. "Let's go."

He felt his phone vibrate angrily in his hand, indicating another incoming call, and he quickly pressed down on the power button until it turned off.

Why he'd decided to revive this dumb device, he had no idea.

Behind him, Rey was still puzzled.

"So what," she asked. "You're just Ren?"

"Ugh," Kylo groaned. "No I have a first name."

He had to end this convesation before they got into the car and Dameron heard those three letters.

"Well?" Rey asked, marching ahead of him and towards BeeBee Eight.

"Ugh. Its... um, it's Ben."

Welp. That wasn't a shortsighted decision in the least.

The girl stopped then, turning to face him with a wild grin he didn't understand.

"What? Its Ben. Now you know. Let's keep moving."

"Your- your name is Ben Ren?" she asked, before laughing loudly, her head tossed back and her eyes screwed shut. "Ben Ren? Your name is Ben Ren?"

Kylo stopped mid stride in the space between the store and the car. He hadn't heard anyone say his name in years, let alone with this much happiness. It sounded so strange hearing her say it. Yet her laughter was thrilling and something deep down inside him knew exactly how many people he would kill to hear her say his name again and again- but the cashier boy's look of suspicion burned in the back of his mind so instead he scowled.

"Yes- I mean no. No its just Ben. Ren is a fake name. You cant tell anyone. If you do it'll get me in trouble."

There. Serious and straight-forward and probably something that would get him into a mess later. Key word being later. As long as he was safe a few minutes longer he was fine.

So Kylo checked to see if Rey had got the message, nodded when she acknowledged his deadpan glare with a nervous gulp and quick nod of her own, and then ushered her into the car without wasting anymore time.

"Where's my pepsi?" Dameron asked when Kylo slid into the front seat.

"Sorry," he replied shortly. "They were out. Let's go."

Rey passed the mints she'd bought over to Dameron silently, and the pilot exclaimed in joy. Ren ignored them and sank into his seat, pushing his shades onto his face clumsily, heart still racing. He uncurled his fist from around his phone then, and noticed a weird porcelain lump wedged between the back of the device and his palm.

"Any reason you're wearing shades for a mild sunset?" Poe was asking, barely supressing a laugh.

"Shut up. I got you this, so lay off," he grunted, holding up the ugly magnet he'd accidentally stolen, that had somehow stuck with him in their mad rush out of the store.

"Is that- is that Senator Organa?" Poe asked, his laugh breakjbg through as he squinted at the ornament. "With bread... wait. Are those hair _buns_? Oh my Maker, the pun- Finn will love this."

"Yes," Kylo sighed. "Now drive."


End file.
